You Might Be A Zombie

I've been doing some thinking lately and discovered a few things such as:

2010's The Crazies

I'm a very sarcastic person. Most people who I associate with in everyday life don't get that about me. They usually think I am being a bitch or just simply rude. They all just need to lighten up if you ask me and stop taking offense at everything I say. Why the hell should I have to walk around on eggshells all the time just because they are too slow or too stupid to know when I am busting their chops? I think it would amaze them if they knew I held a certain affinity for zombies. Perhaps not in a good way; it might actually solidify their suspicions that I am certifiable. Fuck 'em I say, 'cuz on that inevitable day when zombies really do come to town we'll see who the last one standing will be: ME. That's right. This sarcastic bitch and I will be laughing the whole time saying "I told you so." Yup. I sure would. Cuz I am a bitch that way. So speaking of zombies, any of you seen the new movie The Crazies yet? I did. Drug my hubby to it just today, and I gotta say, even though he was not terribly crazy about it, I was. The Crazies is a remake of the 1973 flick of the same title, although the 1973 version was written and directed by none other than George A. Romano. I can't believe I haven't seen that one - or at least, I don't remember having seen it. I'm gonna have to log onto Netflix after writing this review to see if its available for instant download. I can't imagine I would have passed it up. Maybe my not remembering is a sign that it wasn't worth remembering...?? httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7w9uWFIMBs So as far as the 2010 Breck Eisner's version of The Crazies goes, I'd have to say it was pretty entertaining. This version jumps right into the suspense factor with Roy, the local Otis Campbell, who comes strolling onto the high school baseball field with loaded shotgun in tow resulting in his getting shot dead by town sheriff David Dutton. That same suspense continues to build, as we see Bill Farnum when he snaps and burns his wife and son alive. But don't think the fun stops there. The Crazies pretty much doesn't let up until the very end.

In a Nutshell

Focusing on sheriff David Dutton and his pregnant doctor wife Judy, The Crazies is about a big ass plane that goes down in the local water supply of the town of Ogden Marsh, Iowa. We soon learn the plane has contaminated the water supply with a viral pandemic, and the unlucky townsfolk who manage to become infected turn into veiny, bloody, unemotional killers. Luckily the government is on top of the plane fiasco and quickly send in troops to contain the situation by brute force, if necessary. True to form for this type of movie, this translates to everyone needing to be killed otherwise how else can we really know for sure if the pandemic has been eradicated? So David, his wife Judy, his trusty deputy Russell Clark, and a couple of other survivor wannabes, are left to their own devices trying to stay alive, uninfected, and un-captured by the two faced militia.

The Delivery

The main character selection in The Crazies are most all faces you will recognize:  Timothy Olyphant as David (The Perfect Getaway, Hitman, Stop-Loss, among many more); Radha Mitchell as Judy (the Surrogates, Silent Hill, Man on Fire) and Joe Anderson as Russell (The Ruins, Control.) Their acting was pretty mediocre but definitely above B status which is a good thing considering the size of the paycheck I am sure they will rake in.  I actually found Anderson to be the most convincing of the bunch. Their reactions and actions in general were pretty realistic, but a little whiny on the part of David and Judy. I am sure the idea was to show the movies "softer side" but it came across as just plain annoying. The military aspect was pretty believable. If you pay attention to the movie, you see it was obvious that the town was being watched and orders were being given and the military's response time and reaction to the infected were to be expected. We are also offered little bits of information throughout the movie that let you know the plane was government issue and its going down was the reason for the subsequent events, which tied the time line together pretty convincingly. There really wasn't a gore element in The Crazies, but there was blood and really cool makeup effects on the infected. It certainly looked realistic and that is always a plus in my book, even if I am a fan of rubber creature features. The infected had a sadistic side and liked to inflict this sadism onto the uninfected in some pretty inventive blood splattering ways. I actually found myself cringing from the - dare I say brutality? - of the movie.

My .02 Cents

Although The Crazies is no where near as good as Carriers or Quarantine, it is definitely ginormously better than 2009's Pandemic (a movie I can't review because it was so bad that 30 minutes after having watched it, I forgot most everything about it.) And although its rather predicable (what horror movie isn't these days?) I think its safe to say that The Crazies is definitely my kind of flick. Sure a couple of gratuitous boob shots would have improved the movie, but Breck Eisner (who is also directing the 2012 remake of Flash Gordon) made up for it by having no real slow spots, not too terribly many holes, and offering plenty of violence. I was actually surprised more than once. Kudos, Breck Eisner!

Zombie Mythbusters & Weapons that Kill

This is the 2nd installment in my series of Zombie Survival tactics as learned in Max Brook's book "The Zombie Survival Guide."

Tanka Time - The Birth of a Zombie

I have two particularly favorite past times, and thought I would combine them for the amusement of everyone myself. It is not something that will be able to be done in one post. And depending on my imagination, it could drag on for months! But it's a challenge I present to myself, and I am rather anxious to see how it will develop. Two of my favorite pastimes: zombies and poetry. Yup. You heard me right. Poetry. And what I have decided to do is write poetry about a zombie. I do not have this zombie formed in my mind as of yet; I am hoping to develop him/her/it as I go along, and the mood strikes to be captivatingly prolific (this is obviously not one of those moods, but I will have them!) So - you already know it will be about a zombie. The poem format of choice will be the Tanka. For those of you not familiar with Tankas, it is a Japanese form of poetry that consists of 5 lines. The 1st and 3rd line are 5 syllables each, and the 2nd and last two lines are each 7 syllables. Whether or not the lines rhyme is optional. My game plan is that eventually all the Tankas will be able to chain together to form a story. The story of my zombie. And here is the first installment. -------------------------->>>

Who is this person lumbering slowly towards me? Why does he bite me and why (oh shit!) does it sting!?!

...I don’t want to die like this...

Why am I so sick? What was that thing that bit me?

...my body is rotting...

I can’t eat and I can’t sleep. To this I concede defeat.

Tanka Time -Transformation

How did I get here? Is that blood staining my hands? And who’s this person that lays bleeding at my feet? ...is he meat for me to eat??

I can’t think or talk I can barely walk at all -I’m sooooo hungry and The F’n body calls me like a dinner bell for hell! Have you missed out on my first Tanka Time installment? Well worry not! You can read it here!

Tanka Time - Remorse

I can no longer tell what time of day it is; I no longer sense what is right or what is wrong. I merely roam Blood filled streets....

Mutely I scream with The pain of vicious death and Repugnant decay; Not comprehending what has Befallen me here today....

Who am I really? I no longer know or care. I only know I Don't want to be here this way; an empty shell of remorse....

(Have you missed the first 2 installments of my ongoing Zombie Tanka? Well fear not! You can read the first installment here and the second installment here. When you are done, be sure to sign up for my RSS FEED so as not to miss the future installments guaranteed to be bloody and fun!)

True Blood Season 2

Lead me unto temptation with offerings of forbidden fruit While simultaneously citing scripture and Brandishing sins of impiety....

Project illusions of non-existent fairy tales So that I may delude myself with their subterfuge yet another day......

Before reality rears its ugly head and all that is left are the charred remains of my naive convictions....

And in case I am not clear enough, what I am saying is that Sookie needs to get her head out of her ass and realize that Bill is a tool that can't protect his own shadow, and that he doesn't ride a white horse and she's not going to live happily ever after with him; and that Tara needs to smell the shit that Maryann is shoveling before she gets into more trouble; and that Jason just needs to accept the fact that he has idiot tendencies and being a bible banger is one of them...... Ahhhh this is going to be a good season. I wonder who Eric will ingest next???

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qufAFY7FL0U

Tanka Time - Donnie Darko

Due to dark feelings I had as of late, I’ve decided to review a movie that is not one of my particular favorites. Well, not even one I really like that much but it has a cult following and I’m hoping that in this review I might have an epiphany that may help me appreciate this movie for what so many others saw in it that I did not. Donnie Darko’s cult following is what sucked me in and it's that same cult following that kept me watching until the end.