My life: why me???

A remodeled kitchen; a new deck; and now, french doors. All great modifications to an otherwise humdrum home but oh boy does working with my spouse one on one spell potential divorce. We work so badly with one another. He is stubborn and I am pig headed and together it just spells arguements. I must say though things are turning out rather nicely. This is before and after pics of our once ugly but now really sweet deck. Kithcen pics and french doors will be posted next.

Question of Life

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to stress over the "complexities" of everyday life and wonder "why do bad things always happen to me?". Whining comes so easily - but its usually just a venting exercise and not really justified. And sometimes just the sound of your own voice makes the icky that you feel somehow validated......

Although what we fail to realize is that everyday we have our health, loved ones in our lives, food on our table, a roof over our heads, we are blessed. And we take it for granted so easily.

I know someone through work that has lost their 13 year old daughter to a long painful battle with cancer. Leukemia. She lived about 4 years longer than doctors expected, so that was a blessing in that they were graced with extra time. But that bittersweet time must have been so hard for him as he watched his whole life slowly deteriorate through chemotherapy and radiation; being helpless in being able to make the pain and suffering stop.

We take so much for granted in everyday life. We get so caught up in petty stresses that are molehills made mountains caused from within ourselves.

It's realities like cancer that put things back in perspective. But it's short lived when you don't experience it yourself. And the passing of time makes it easy to forget. And the cycle of everyday life starts all over again. And it jump-starts the whining......

But not for the man who has lost his little girl. He knows his blessings; he won't forget. And I'm willing to bet these last 4 years that he was fortunate enough to have with his daughter will be top on his list..........

The "Project"

Have you ever noticed that no matter how much you love someone, as soon as you commit to a project with the them all bets are off? And you start to wonder if the life insurance you have in place would suffice for the amount of debt you've managed to accumulate???

I've had those thoughts today. I've thought about how easy it would be to let the sledge hammer slip and hit my beloved husband square on the noggin. His only saving grace is the immense enormity of his "love" that he sometimes shares with me. Although I sometimes wonder if Duracell stock would have the same affect......

We've decided to re-do our kitchen. This is a passing fancy we have had since we moved into this house 3 years ago. The kitchen is very outdated and the cabinets are comparable to prehistoric eras..... we actually found a couple of rat beds that were left over from when we first moved in......

"Do as I say" - that is his motto. "I will lead, you will follow." That is his creed. So after a huge realisation that we can not work together unless I follow any "ruling" he deems, we managed to strip the kitchen of its former self....

Tomorrow will bring a new day. But for now......dear lord give me strength........and pray the sledge hammer does not slip further than the wall......

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Thanksgiving is probably one of my most favorite days of the year. Even more so than Christmas. The reasoning for this is that on Thanksgiving no one is looking for a present. They are merely happy to be together and enjoying the simple things in life (not to mention lots of food and pie!) I will however be doing turkey day mostly healthy this year. Turkey; stuffing; peas; sauteed onions; and cranberry sauce. Simple, mostly healthy, and 100% good!

But I wanted to take a minute to give thanks......

I am thankful for my husband Bill; who gave me the strength to accept who I am and who makes me a better person just by being in my life. I am thankful for my health and for everyday that I wake to a new sunrise. I am thankful to have lived the life I have lived thus far; the good and the bad; because it made me who I am today. I am thankful for my family and for their perseverance through the hard times; and I pray for their healing and peace of mind. And I am thankful to have the understanding to know what is important, and to differentiate between what is real and what is imagined.

So many things to be thankful for that no way could they all be listed on this blog. But if a higher power does exist, He knows what is in my heart. And I find my peace in that knowing.....

Zoe & Zeus

Zoe is my rat terrier. She's 3. Zeus is my boxer. He's a little over 1. Zeus adores Zoe. Zoe tolerates Zeus. Zoe is a lap dog. Zeus is desperately trying to be a lap dog. Zeus is 65lbs; Zoe is only 10lbs.

Zeus fell asleep last night using Zoe as a pillow while they both lay on/near me. My better half snapped a pic of them. They are soooo cute!! I had to share...... just like a proud mom should.

Bike Ride = Therapy

Ever have one of those days when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and no matter how many cups of coffee you have or how good your hair actually turned out, nothing goes right and everything irritates?? Well, this whole last week has been like that for me. Work has been awful; exercise practically non-existent; weight loss nil; and my attitude has absolutely sucked. Luckily though Bill didn't file divorce papers (that I know of)...... instead he guilted me into going for a bike ride with him today.

And it was awesome! And it was exhilarating. And everything that made me feel like crap disappeared and all I was left with was peace and repose and a great desire to keep riding even though my body wanted to quit.

And that is why I ride.

My first mountain bike ride

I've ridden old dirt roads. I've ridden loose gravel roads. How hard can mountain biking be, right?? Boy was I in for a rude awakening! I guess one can't fully appreciate the skill it takes to ride in the woods until you experience it yourself. And I for one do NOT have the skill.

My husband is a MTB'er at heart. He was an avid and great rider pre-me days when he lived in Maine. We have talked about doing it but both love road riding so it was just conversation in passing. Now that winter is creeping in, and road riding is on hiatus until spring (except for weekends) we decided to give it a go. Bill (my hubby) has an older Parkpre mountain bike that's just my size. So we cleaned it up, got new tires etc, and hit the trails.

HolyMackeral! Do I SUCK at it!!!! And its so scary!! There were drop offs and rocks and rolling hills.... the rolling hills I can sort of handle as long as they weren't steep desents, but most of the single track trail was down the side of a steep hill and I kept envisioning myself losing balance and careening down the "mountain". I managed to stay mostly vertical (only because I walked about 2 of the 7 mile trail) but I did kind of fall once when my back tire got too close to a tree stump and I was stressed from a series of rolling hills I had just cleared (a miracle) so I freaked and wobbled and went down. Jammbed my thumb. Still hurts like the devil but that was my only fall.

Right now my husband is so PUMPED to be mountain biking again and I am scared to death to get back out there. We are going to try an "easier" trail next time but this one was supposed to be simple enough. I am attaching a link of a rider on a trail similar to the one we were on. There are (I think) 4 "FATS" trails; the one we were on is called the "Skinny Loop". This guy in the video is doing the "Brown Wave" trail. The guy is a daredevil in my book so needless to say I took the trail considerably slower. It gives you the general idea..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoWyd_tUnBE
__________________

Random Thought

In a way, crosswords do harm by cluttering up the mind with an aimless heap of unusual words selected purely for mechanical exigencies and having no well-proportioned relation to the needs of graceful discourse. ~H. P. Lovecraft

Sadly, I love crosswords......

Naive Wisdom - a poem

Broken promises lie scattered at my feet; an aching fills my empty heart.
Hopes which once were firmly grasped, lies have ripped apart.

Unanswered questions invade my mind; seeking answers never to find.
I close my eyes in anxious vain: never to trust again.

Naivete begets wisdom.

What is it with the color pink???? I hate the color pink! Or at least, I thought it did. I have always been the kind of gal who wears black and brown and blue, and various shades in between. I have been known to have some other earthy colors in my wardrobe, such as burnt orange, but pink was never one of them. It's a sissy color! A color for bimbos and girls who add 2 + 2 and come up with 5.

But in the last year or so, pink has kinda been speaking to me. So much so that I traded in an orange gym bag for a pink one. Did you hear me??? PINK! Its a soft pink, baby pink if you will, and sooo cute! Reebok brand with gray accents. And I have some dark pink wicking shirts, bordering the color of fuschia, and they don't clash with the bag.

I can't believe I am gushing about a pink gym bag...... I need therapy.

I suppose before I get too far into this blog thing, I should explain what the whole “Bianchi Girl” thing is all about (for those of you who care to know). As you can see from my links, a Bianchi is an Italian made bike. When I first started cycling. I was riding a Giant OCR Limited. A very nice bike, but not fully fitted for me and not fully the “wow” factor.

As I got more into cycling, and knowledgeable of what I wanted and liked, I kind of gravitated to the Bianchi. I loved the look, the design, the quality; and though it’s a fairly common bike in the cycling world, its not one you see everyday. I tried to fight the desire for one. Convinced myself I could. But then my dearest hubby graced me with my very own custom fit, full carbon 2006 Bianchi 928, handmade in Italy.

Where the “Bianchi Girl” parts comes in is a little more jealousy based.

A local female rider whom I have never met rides a Bianchi as well. Not the 928, but a Bianchi nonetheless. And she is a strong rider. And she is fit, and lean, and cute, and rides with the confidence of a pro. I refer to her as Bianchi Girl. She has set the standard I want to achieve so that one day (hopefully soon) I too will be worthy of the Bianchi Girl title. And then I will lay waste to her and she can eat my dust!!

WASHED HANDS - a poem of youth

Lollipop kisses (sticky sweet) impress their nectar upon your whiskered cheek:
Your hand absently wiped away their adolescent aftertaste.

Despondent arms; outstretched for a reassuring (pretentious) hug
Grasp only the stale air of your indifference breathed upon my naively upturned face:
Smothered in incognizance.

Does it mystify?

That I have excommunicated myself from your well rehearsed pleasantries?

Your hypocritical attempts to condone justification of your displaced loyalty

simply compounds the situation.

Your bed is not mine to lie in; your rules no longer mine to follow.

Perhaps now you will be the one to recite fairytales on feather-filled pillows

as silent tears cascade down self erected barricades, puddling by your cheek...

Pray you never hear the lone hoot owl as he waits impatiently by your grave...

The Y offers spin classes. Being as bike riding is next to nil for me lately (due to cold weather and daylight savings) I decided to join in. WOW. Big difference from road riding.

Riding outdoors you are able to coast and sight see; to smell the wonderful scents of nature; to marvel in the beauty of life. You can feel your flesh, heated from the exertion of the ride, cooling from the wind caressing your skin as you pedal carefree along.....

Spinning doesn't come close to that. With spinning you get to feel the sweat pour down every crevice of your body as you continuously pedal, not daring to stop or let up too much as someone might notice and consider you weak, a wannabe cyclist. And the coach shouts to crank it up a notch, get that heartbeat up, push your limits. And so you push, and your legs feel like they are going to explode, so you stand and pedal because that is supposed to relieve some of the agony. But I'm guessing that only works on a real ride because all it does for me is intensify the ache. And just when you are about to give in to the wannabe stigma, the coach yells to slow it down. Take it easy on yourself so you can regroup, recharge. Yes, Margaret, there is a God, and he/she's spinning too.

I'm going to go pass out now.....

Random Thought

(compliments of T.N.N)

Some people are like Slinkies...
Not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when
you push them down a flight of stairs.

So Yeah! I found a snazzy windbreaker/rainjacket for riding. Its Noth Face Apex, and its burnt orange, and its sooooo warm, yet very thin and lightweight. Yesterday it performed beautifully so I was all set to ride even further today. So what to my wondering eyes should appear after I manage to drag myself out of bed this Sunday morning? Yup. Rain. And not a slight misting or drizzle but the kind that impairs your vision and leaves you chilled to the bone.

Ok. So option two. Hit the Y. But wait! I live in the bible belt where nothing opens until 1:30pm on Sundays (gotta have time for church and breakfast) so instead I sit here. Amusing myself with my very own blog while my boxer Zeus and my rat terrier Zoe crawl all over me making typing next to impossible. And heaven forbid I close them out of the room as they will whine incessantly til I can't take it anymore and let them back in.......

Oh goodie! Here comes my Chihuahua Kong and my Daschuahua Bruiser climbing all over me too! Time for one handed typing.

Life is Good.

Its Fall Again....

Fall is here. Chilly nights and dark way too soon. Bad for cycling unless you have hi-viz lights and a brightly colored cycling jacket with reflective trim so vehicles can see you. I don't know from experience but I imagine getting hit by a car would suck pretty bad. And I'm still searching for the perfect jacket at a bargain price, and hi-viz lights aren't offered at a bargain............

A lot of cyclists use indoor trainers this time of year but it's SOOOO boring! The scenery never changes; you can't feel the outdoor air creeping thru your helmet, caressing your sweaty scalp with a cooling breeze. You can't people watch unless you watch the people on your boob tube. That doesn't count. I want to see real people. Real people who leave the house wearing spandex that is way too tight and enhances every roll of fat and cellulite chunk.

Oh wait... that kinda describes me.............