Holding Hands

Be sure to watch to the very end. It is SOOOO cute!

Doubt ~ A lyric poem

Helpless ~
Realized on the sense of doubt ~
Instilling fear.

Hope ~
Lapses into the abyss of unknowing ~
Deaf to hear (my voice):
Numb to feel (my touch):
Scared to dream.

Love ~
Hesitant to trust without oath:
Slighted in its honesty.

Shame ~
(How can my love not be enough?)
Accepting its mine.
Knowing that time is
Our only reprieve:
Our only chance to believe:
Our only light.

Breath ~
(Struggling for air)
Held tight...

~ Helpless.

Life is Never as Bad (or as Good) as You Think

Scientology: Myth? Madness? or maybe.....??

Ok. So we have all heard about Scientology and how certain names in Hollywood are advocates for the "faith." But did you know that Scientology was introduced to the world by L. Ron Hubbard, a science fiction novelist? Not a doctor or scientist, but a science fiction novelist.

Now please understand, my intentions are not to denounce any of Mr. Hubbard's many successes or accomplishments yet at the same time, you have to wonder how a self-improvement theory, entitled Dianetics, introduced with a publication in a science fiction magazine (due to the medical and mainstream avenues having no interest as there was no scientific data to support the validity of his theory) could develop such a following. A following strong enough to support a new "church;" i.e. a new "religion."

It is my understanding that Scientologists believe their bodies to be temporary vessels for their immortal being, called "Thetan." They believe that they have lived for trillions of years, and are reborn again and again. They believe they were banished to earth 75 million years ago by an evil galactic warlord named Xenu. The also believe that Xenu "implanted" them with a number of false "realities" - including the concepts of God, Christ and organized religion. Scientologists - Thetans - believe they have attached themselves to human beings, where they remain to this day, creating not just the root of all of our emotional and physical problems but the root of all problems of the modern world. It is their goal to free themselves of this entrapment and to one day return home to their planet, having rid themselves of their temporary vessel and angst.

One begins their passage of Scientology Enlightenment, known as the Bridge to Total Freedom, for a nominal fee. There are specific stages, or "grades," of the Bridge, and the key to progressing "upward" is auditing: hundreds, if not thousands, of sessions that Scientologists believe can not only help them resolve their problems but fix their ethical breaches, much as Catholics might do in confessing their sins. The ultimate goal in every auditing session is to have a "win," or moment of revelation, which can take a few minutes, hours or even weeks. Scientologists are not allowed to leave an auditing session until their "auditor" (a higher ranking Scientologist who makes big bucks from what I can gather) is satisfied.

So how much is this nominal fee? Well, auditing is purchased in 12.5-hour blocks. Each block can cost anywhere from $750 for introductory sessions to between $8,000 and $9,000 for advanced sessions (from what I have read, they pretty much charge for all their"religious" services).

And who ranks higher on their ladder of success? Well, for one, Tom Cruise; Weirdo Cruise.

I say believe what you want to; give your money to whoever you want to, but let's be honest. Scientology is a science fiction story that made L. Ron Hubbard a very rich man and a very wealthy empire. If I could create a new religion and have people offer me tons of money to jump on board my bandwagon you better be damned sure I would. I'd be crazy not to. And these days, crazy ain't what it used to be.

My conclusion of Scientology? A scheme to make a LOT of money - and it worked. What's your conclusion?

The Results are In

Deviant Art for Post Halloween

found this lil' gem over at Deviant Art. Definitely worth checking out if you like to draw or doodle. It's everyday people with lots of talent.

Life is the dance of penguins

What will YOU do?

Dumb Laws Stupid People Thought Were Smart Ideas

Why can't law makers ever clean up their books? I mean, would it really be so hard or does it cut into their tee time? Stupid shit has been on the books for eons and if anyone wanted to be a prick, they could easily enforce one of these babies. I'm even thinking citizens arrest....

Check these out:

In Pennsylvania, no man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. Hehehe. THAT could be fun! Let's try a different one.

In San Francisco, it’s apparently illegal to wipe a vehicle with used underwear. Skid marks leave traces of poo, perhaps?? Only new undies are allowed, thank you.

And what ever you do, don't pile your horse manure more than six feet high on any street corner or you might get carted off to jail. Stop at about 5 1/2 feet then move on to the next corner, just to play it safe.

In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's apparently legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in. (Of course, it might be a little hard explaining to the mister/missus why you want curtains in your snazzy corvette.....)

Men are going to love this next one: Apparently a state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, and that's NOT a typo, when being addressed by their female counterparts. If my husband knew that, I think we'd be moving tomorrow!

On a happy note, in Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. (I'm just wondering what he can do with the gun if she's NOT having an orgasm.....)

In Wisconsin, if two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has. Umm...... check mate??

In Sun Prairie Wisconsin, you may not manufacture nuclear weapons within the city limits. Step over the city limit line? Well, then it's OK.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer. I don't know about you guys, but I prefer laying down myself.... I'm in the clear!

In Virginia, you can't have sex during the daytime, or with a light on. I'm thinking this law means there must be some butt ugly people in Virginia!

In Mississippi, a person can be fined up to $100 for using "profane language" in public places.

I'm fucked.

In Rohnert Park, California, it is illegal for a women to have sex with a cow, but it is legal for a couple to have a threesome including the cow. Not quite sure who the brain was behind this law, but I'm betting it was not a sane one.

In Tennessee it is legal to gather and consume road kill. Too bad. Potted Possum is a real treat here in Georgia....

In Alabama, it's illegal to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Fun maybe, but illegal.

In Florida, men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown, but apparently spaghetti straps are acceptable.

In Washington, a law to reduce crime states that "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town." Man, I can hear that conversation now.....

Criminal: "Hello. I am entering your state with the intention of pillaging your women and robbing your liqueur stores."

Police Chief: "Thank you so much for calling. Just don't kill anyone, k?"

Gawd I feel dumber just knowing this shit.

But before I end this ramble and risk my last brain cell bursting, I want you to consider this: In Texarkana, Texas, it’s illegal to ride a horse at night without taillights.

Hmmm..... I wonder if sticking a mag light up his ass and turning it on would suffice??? What do you think??

Solitaire - a poem

A tear ~ solitaire:
Faint whispers of loneliness
Echo as it falls.

Photo Hunters - Lazy

Rebirth - a poem of hope

Desire sparks effulgent in a memory not yet created
And a persistent ache echoes with the intensity
of its anticipated passion.

An ache ~ brought to life by the urgency of two souls
Eagerly attempting to sustain their thirst:
To quench the hunger that drives their appetite to
heights of celestial bliss;
Cresting on a cloud of surreal eroticism
~ igniting faith.

And in the depths of expectancy,
With nourishing awareness seizing the moment of intimacy,
A mending heart grasps the thread of unrestraint
~ risking rebirth.

Are we there yet??

Proposed Preamble To The Constitutional Bill of Rights i.e. The NON-Rights

I received an email today proposing a "preamble" of sorts to the constitution: A Bill of Non-Rights. A sort of "look you dumb fucks, before you get all excited with the following allowances, duly note what will NOT be allowed or offered you should you decide to become a drain on society."

I know it's just a pipe dream, but I applaud whomever came up with the idea. Following is what he/she/it proposed, addressed to the "terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters." I'd like to add to that list deadbeats, free loaders, people who keep having babies and care for them, and slow/obnoxious/stupid drivers.....

Therefore, be it known that we, the really cool people, propose to you, the people noted in the above paragraph, the following:

• ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one guarantees you anything.

• ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of offending idiots, and probably always will be.

• ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

• ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes at someone else's tax paying expense.

• ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

• ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

• ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

• ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us are sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful (and no, we are not going to foot the bill for you!)

• ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

• ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from as it does not change the fact that English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!

• ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God, and yet you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, GET OVER IT !!!

Kudos, anonymous e-mailer. Kudos.

Neverending Questions (a quatrain poem)

Shattered dreams resonate within her mind,

Filling her heart with hate;

knowing that prayers are too late

and nothing can change her fate......

Wordless Wednesday

The Yankees Go Home

Eat THAT you Wankers, I mean Yankees! For the first time in 14 years, no October. That sucks. I may not like you guys, but I have to admit, I feel bad for you. Usually you guys are really good; just not this year.

Red Sox clinch playoff spot by beating Cleveland

So Wall Street gets bailed out (maybe) yet I am going to pay the price by being out on my ass at age 70......

Being in the mortgage industry I’ve seen a lot of stupid crap.

Crap like people with credit scores of 500 getting 100% home mortgage loans.

Crap like people with over $40,000 in collections listed on their credit report, getting 100% home mortgage loans, and the collections not having to be paid off.

Crap like prominent doctors getting 100% interest only arm loans for a mortgage on a new home valued over $400,000, while placing a bridge loan on their current primary residence (valued over $200,000) thinking it will sell before the bridge loan comes due.

Crap like people getting a 95% home mortgage loan on a trailer (YES trailer. What do you think a mobile home is?) where the lot it sits on is valued more than the tin box. Meaning if the borrower goes into foreclosure, the bank is screwed because the majority of the value is coming from the land and not the home.

The list goes on and on….

Sure, lending laws made it easy. Lending laws made it easy to up the value of a home so that the seller could increase the sales price in order to add seller paid closing costs to the mix because the buyer didn’t have more than $100 in savings, yet still they wanted to buy a house at no out of pocket expense, when they could barely pay their rent. And lending laws made it easy to do so.

People got greedy. Lending laws made it easy for an investor to have 10+ properties financed when they had no nest egg to allow for vacancies – meaning the investor had no savings to make the monthly payment on their own volition should they not have a renter in place who paid, or paid on time.

And where does all this get us? It gets us to the point where the government is going to increase the already increasing deficit by “lending” $700 BILLION to bails these lending institutions out so these dead beat people who didn’t pay their bills to begin with won’t lose their home. To bail out these lending institutions who made the dumbass decision to give a loan to a doctor whose debt to income ratio was at 60%+ WITHOUT taking the bridge loan into account!!

Clinton loves the idea of the government bailing these Mensa members out. So does the Bush administration. They are pushing for it. And who is going to pay for it?

Well let’s think about that one, shall we?

• The Wall Street Bailout Plan, Explained by David Stout
  Tuesday, September 23, 2008
  provided by The Wall Street Journal
  
  Q. Who, really, is going to come up with the $700 billion?
  A. American taxpayers will come up with the money, although if
  you are bullish on America in the long run, there is reason to hope that the tab
  will be less than $700 billion. After the Treasury buys up those troubled
  mortgages, it will try to resell them to investors. The Treasury’s involvement
  in the crisis and the speed with which Congress is responding could generate
  long-range optimism and raise the value of those mortgages, although it is
  impossible to say by how much. So it would not be correct to think of the
  federal government as simply writing a check for $700 billion. It is just
  committing itself to spend that much, if necessary. But the bottom line is, yes,
  this bailout could cost American taxpayers a lot of money.
• 
  Q. So is it fair to say that Americans who are neither rich nor reckless are being asked to rescue people who are? What is in this package for responsible homeowners of modest means who might be forced out of their homes, perhaps for reasons beyond their control?
  A. Yes, you could argue that people who cannot tell soybean futures from puts, calls and options are being asked to clean up the costly mess left by Wall Street. To make the bailout palatable to the public, it is being described as far better than inaction, which administration officials and members of Congress say could imperil the retirement savings and other investments of Americans who are anything but rich.”
  

And in a seperate publication, The Nehemiah Corporation stated in their weekly newsletter (which I happen to receive – ironically - weekly:)

• While our government is bailing out Wall Street, DPA and H.R. 6694 is looking
  out for Main Street. The plan being negotiated by the Bush administration
  and Congressional leaders calls for the government to spend up to $700 billion
  to bailout Wall Street. Add in the $300 billion from the "Housing Bill" (H.R
  3221) passed in July and this bailout is costing taxpayers $1 TRILLION! The
  single largest part of this tragedy is that this $1 trillion is being spent
  bailout Wall Street, banks, institutional investors and foreign investors!
  And while all this is going on in Washington, D.C., who's looking out for
  the American Taxpayer? Who's focusing on working class Americans?”
  

Surprise, fucking Surprise.

So let’s see if I have this right. People like me, people who bust their ass and work hard to pay their bills, people who bought homes WITHIN THEIR MEANS; people who ARE NOT A DRAIN on society, get to foot the bill for other people’s lame-assed, retarded, fucked up decisions.

I don’t get any tax breaks. Hell, because I don’t have any kids, I get even LESS tax breaks. And don’t preach to me about the cost of raising a child. YOU, the parent, chose to have that child. Besides that, I am simply stating what benefits I DON'T get because of what I DON’T do.

I understand Wall Street is affected. Hell, I work in mortgages so how can I not? I also know that it means my retirement is affected. Hell, for that matter, I understand that my social security, the money, MY MONEY, that I busted my ass for, will probably not be available to me when I reach retirement age. Yet again, more of my hard earned dollars benefiting someone else. Why not at least give me the courtesy of deciding who it will benefit instead of deciding for me?

Our world just keeps getting more and more fucked up everyday. I wonder how much it costs to live in New Zealand??

POSTNOTE:

I realize this may be a necessary sacrifice, and that should our financial system collapse, should WALL STREET collapse, that Main Street will as well. I just don't have to be happy about the whole thing.

Reference links:

http://finance.yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/article/105824/The-Wall-Street-Bailout-Plan-Explained

http://www.nehemiahcorp.org/

Blink-182's Travis Barker and DJ AM Critically Injured in Plane Crash

So I work about 1/4 of a mile from Doctors Hospital, the hospital with one of the best burn units in the country.

The evil side of me keeps telling me to go over there on my lunch break and snap some pics of Travis Barker and DJ AM. Wondering what I could sell them for.

Doctors Hospital happens to be my HMO assigned hospital, so its not like I wouldn't have reason to be there necessarily.

Damn my good, considerate side from preventing me from doing it! This could be my retirement if I pose as a nurse and get some pictures up close and really personal!

Damn. Even Mandy Moore came to visit.....


Heres the scoop:

Blink-182's Travis Barker and DJ AM Critically Injured in Plane Crash

Barker's assistant Chris Baker, 29 was one of the 4 people who died in the crash.
Saturday, September 20, 2008

SEE THE VIDEO

Travis Barker, a former Drummer for Blink 182, and DJ AM are in critical condition after the plane they were flying on went off the runway and crashed. Four other people aboard the plane were killed.

According to TMZ, Barker is severely burned from the waist down but is expected to survive. DJ AM, whose real name is Adam Michael Goldstein is being treated for burns on his face. The two were transported to a burn center in Augusta, Georgia where they are listed in critical condition.

Barker and Goldstien apparently saved their own lives by jumping out the door of the burning plane. Barker's assistant Chris Baker, 29 was one of the 4 people who died in the crash. He was newly married with a newborn baby.

The other three who did not survive were pilot Sarah Lemmon, co-pilot James Bland and Charles Still.

Barker is famous for his drum work in the Band Blink 182 and his reality show "Meet the Barkers" with on again off again ex-wife and former Miss USA Shanna Moakler.

Goldstien was once engaged to reality star and socialite Nicole Richie.

Barker performed Friday night at an event with Perry Farrell, Gavin DeGraw, and DJ AM.


The FAA said the plane carrying six people was departing when an air traffic controller reported seeing sparks. The plane went off the runway and crashed on a nearby road.

The plane was going to Van Nuys, CA.


Photo Copyright Wire Image

Copyright © 2003-2008 Clear Channel. All rights reserved.

My 70's Flashback

I've been very nostalgic lately but it's not what you'd think. I have not been missing someone - but rather something:

Really good music.

I've recently discovered 2 new blogs: Rock N Roll Classics & Classic Video Jukebox. Both are run by the same guy - a guy hailing from Boston, the coolest city in the world (ok, maybe not the coolest to some, but it's definitely my favorite) who seems to have really good taste in music. In browsing his blogs it got me reminiscing (nothing like a little LRB to keep ya' grounded) about my youth and the music I grew up on. Some of it was before my time, but I lived it as if I owned it. And I miss it. Today's music is so totally different, and to find a rock station that I don't have to pay for that actually plays classic rock is almost impossible in my little town of Disgusta Georgia.

So anyway, as I was tripping down memory lane, I tried to come up with my top 5 favorite albums of the 70's. Notice I said ALBUMS, as in NOT cd's.... vinyl has a sound all its own, and the snap crackle pop makes the memory more authentic. Unfortunately I no longer have a turn table, and have since pawned many of my coveted LP's.... the naivty of youth is not always a good thing.

So anyway, I chose my top 5 favorites based on the albums I listened to most. The albums where I know every song, and every word (whether they are right or wrong. Just don't put me on "Don't forget the Lyrics"-I might embarass myself.) Albums I have since converted to CD's and still listen to today, never tiring of them. And I think I got them.

So without further adeu, in no particular order:

Journey Infinity & Journey Evolution (tied)

I can't remember a time in my life prior to turning 30 that I did not play music from the band Journey. To this day, they rank in my top 5 favorite. I even had my high school yearbook monogrammed with a tribute to the band. GAWD what a nerd I was - hhmmm..... perhaps I shouldn't admit that.

Anyway, check out this video- how in hell could we have ever thought that look Steve Perry was going for was a good thing?????


Another nerd confession: I was a WIZ at their arcade game, Escape. Top THAT people!

Reo Speedwagon - You Can Tuna Piano But You Can't Tuna Fish

I had this on 8-track. I was 10. I played that thing so much that I am amazed the tape lasted as long as it did. Needless to say I replaced it with vinyl once available, and now of course, CD. The song "Time For Me to Fly" will ever hold a special place in my heart; not because of a guy but because of an f'ed up childhood that will forever leave me dysfunctional.

All the songs on this release are awesome though, and I highly suggest you check it out.

I wanted to tie this one with their album A Decade of Rock N Roll, but being as it was released on New Years Day, 1980, I could not in clear conscience. This is after all, a post about my 70's flashback, and even if the release was one day later, it was still one day too late.

Meatloaf - Bat Out of Hell

Meatloaf. Just one word and everyone knows who I am talking about. Fat and sweaty, and drug induced, but man could he suck you into his lyrical world! At least, he sucked me in, and I was singing his songs even when the album wasn't playing. And it has not stopped. Anytime I am having a bad day, all I have to do is pop this baby into the CD player, crank up the volume like I was 16 again, and Bat Out of Hell starts the de-stressing process immediately. It's awesome!


Lynyrd Skynyrd - Pronounced Len-nerd Skin-nerd

The 70's would not have been the same without Lynyrd Skynyrd, and you didn't have to be southern to love them or appreciate their music. Unfortunately I am southern, but I would have loved them no matter what. Theirs is a bittersweet tragic tale, but their music is great stuff that I will never get tired of signing along with, although my husband really wishes I would.


----------------

Since I tied the two Journey albums, that leaves me up in the air for number 5. I have so many that I am trying to narrow down: Van Halen, Boston, Deep Purple, BOC..... I was hoping you guys could sway me. Throw out some suggestions of albums that I have - dare I say it - forgotten about, and need reminding of....

So what have you got for me? What are your favorites from the 70's?

A Simply Haiku

So with all this doom and gloom that has innundated my days and consumed my nights, I thought I would post a haiku poem I wrote back in my high school days. It promises love and nobility and honor, and all those kinds of things the days of King Arthur romaticized....

A Simple Haiku

Longing consumes me
As my heart beats with fervor
For my noble knight...

For a day passes
Slowly until the night comes,
Yielding him to me.

Did I mention Lunar Pages Sucks?

So now - going into our 3rd day of multiple sites being down, "customer service" has decided to move our problem to "technical support" for assistance.

GOOD F'N GAWD!!!! It takes almost 4 days for them to even acknowledge the problem is on their end, almost 2 days to "try to resolve the issue" and another 18 hours to decide to get "tech support" involved.

People do NOT use Lunar Pages. RUN from Lunar Pages. they are full of uncooperative idiots who thinks it's everyone else's fault but theirs.

LUNAR PAGES IS SHIT (see post below for clarification)

LunarPages Sucks!!!

Ok so for almost a week now I have been told that my primary blog's errors are not caused by the host server but rather caused by me having a cheap template (I promise you, it was not as cheap as they think.) After almost a week of going around and around with my host server to the point where I am ready to go postal and start kicking puppies, they finally just this morning acknowledge they have a problem.

Now since yesterday, my blog is totally inaccessable. All 20 something of our websites are inaccessible. We cannot even get into admin on any of them! We repeatedly get 404 errors and shit! Big giant stinky piles of shit that make my boxers look like German Chocolate cake!

SHITSHITSHIT!

That is my new name for Lunar Pages. Shit. And if they lose all my posts and drafts or my backups (since some were performed on their hosting site) I think I might be blogging from jail.......

OHOHOH - and this is not the first time we have had problems with Lunar Pages. In those other instances, they always claimed it was due to something we did as well only to find out it was usually a problem on their end.

Did I mention that Lunar Pages sucks???

Little things mean so much

My girl Nona, over at "Yummy! Down on This" made me realize something today.

I have been too long on the dark side these last few weeks.

Winona, or Nona if you prefer, always has a day where she gives thanks for things in her life. Little things, not big things like health and stuff, but little (sometimes weird )things, and she always seems to find a reason to smile.

So I thought I would turn this frown of mine upside down and smile for a bit, and see what little things I can come up with to be thankful for. Here goes nothing:

Little things I am thankful for:

1. My dogs who, even though they annoy the F*CK out of me more often than not, give me unconditional love even when I am at my worst.

2. Diet Pepsi. Because no matter how much I need my morning pot of coffee, I need my Diet Pepsi first.

3. My husband, for all the special little things.....

4. Straws. Cuz they make everything liquid taste that much better.

5. My mom. Cuz even tho I will probably be as crazy as she is one day, she's still my mom and she loves me even when I am a bitch.

6. Really cheesy B-movies cuz they make me laugh and forget life for awhile.

7. Metal music. Cuz when I feel like shit, and it's cranked up insanely loud, I just feel better.

8. Q-tips. Cuz nothing feels better than a good brain scratch.

And now I am supposed to finish up with some cute funny pics. So here they are in no particular order:



So go check Nona out. And if you are a fan of small pets (as am I) she's really rather informative when it comes to rats (another reason I like her.)

Wordless Wednesday: Before & After

Save Me...

What is this Evil
Growing inside me?
Who gave it legs and
Permission to feed,
On this - my own life….

Why can’t I cut
This evil out?
Why can’t I bleed
Fountains of youth?

I cry tears,
anguished pain;
Yet nothing…

Nothing
Can save

…me.

Life is Cruel

John Q is on tv right now. For those of you who don't know, it's a movie starring Denzel Washington as a father whose young son is in renal heart failure and needs a transplant. Problem is that his insurance, his HMO, does not have a provision for treatment of this magnitude, and the hospital is of course all about the almighty dollar. John Q (symbolically referring to "John Q Public") has no choice but to take matters into his own hands in order to save the one thing in the world that matters most: his son.

This movie breaks my heart in that it so vividly illustrates how we have become a nation of greed and indifference. How the value of human life has been reduced to a buck.

I have no idea how much radiation or chemo costs. But I do know that for one person, a 5-hour duration of chemo is $15000. I also know some sort of shot that has to be administered 24 hours after each chemo treatment in order to increase the white blood cell count runs another $7000.

This does not take into account blood work, ex rays, pet-scans, prescriptions, etc that go along with cancer.

I'm not quite sure where I am going with all this. I think it's just more of me feeling angry.

Angry and helpless.

I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. Why innocence has to die.

Why babies die.



Sprout was just a baby. She had done nothing that would warrant penance of life. So why her? And why so many others like her?

I was raised a catholic. I believe in God. But I can't believe that any of this makes sense in the grand design of his plan.

Call it blasphemy. Call it unchristian. Call it whatever you want but explain to the family of Sprout how this makes sense. Explain to my family how incurable cancer makes sense.

Yeh, I am in the angry stage. Hopefully it will pass and I will find the faith that I was raised on....

I just can't see it right now.

Wordless Wednesday: Dead ain't what it used to be......

Photo Hunters: Dark

Today's theme is dark. It could not be more fitting right now.

This tree is in my back yard. My husband wanted to chop it down but I would not let him. It's too ominous; too creepy, too dark. And actually when it is full of leaves, it's rather beautiful.

If you look close enough, you can see the rain between the branches.

I am angry...

I am so very angry right now. And there is no one that I can attack; no one that do anything about my anger. But it is there. And it is fierce; and it hurts.

So many others have felt this pain; have felt this helplessness. And still there are no answers; no reasons why.

No cure.

And the tears that fall do nothing more than reinforce the anger, and their tracks make my heart bleed even more......


A Fine Line Between Denial & Anger

Spidery veins of carnivorous black
stab into my flesh, burning in their path....
Charring my skin, boiling my blood
and all the while tendrils of denial
feign ignorance.....

Why?
All the while, asking why?

Tossing a coin into the fountain of youth,
it's only one life in deaths "grand design".....
But its my life, and
not that of the virus nibbling away in eager anticipation
of yet another casualty....

....and I am not ready to concede!

Who are you to place coins over
innocent eyes of allegiance?
Do I disappoint?

Well, Fuck You!

The Stranger

Looking in a mirror

I see a stranger staring back at me.

The eyes express emptiness,

no sign of recognition.

Confusion emerges,

asking questions whose answers are

Camouflaged

by a parasitic shell which feeds

On the emotions of its companions

greedily:

Else it would deteriorate and

return to the ash

from which it came.

Vacant eyes ~

yet expressing desire for knowledge.

Who am I?

Briefly I glance down and
upon returning to my desperate stare,
I see only confusion cloud my eyes again.

Does this deck make me look fat??

Does a tramp stamp make you a tramp?

There seems to be a whole lot of controversy regarding tramp stamps. For those of you who do not know what they are, they are tattoos chicks get on their lower backs. They are called tramp stamps because they imply the girl is a little more "free" than your average "good" girl. What BS.

I don't quite understand the stereotype the tramp stamp implies. Men who get tattoos on their forearms are not automatically labeled meatheads, and a chick with a tat on her ankle is not automatically considered loose. So why does the lower back say so much more?

I have two tattoos. One on the back of my right shoulder, and the other is the good ol "tramp stamp." I thought long and hard about my first tattoo. Wanted it since I was 15. Made myself wait til I was 30 before I would let myself get it. I figured that if I still wanted it at 30, it would probably not be a fleeting fancy.

So at 30, for my birthday, I got my first tattoo. I settled. I did not get what I had always wanted because my husband did not like the idea. I also had it put somewhere I did not originally want it.

I highly recommend that if you want a tattoo, do not settle. Get what you want, where you want it, otherwise you will regret it.

Needless to say my husband is not a fan of my tattoos and does not understand my desire for ink, even though I have gotten both (well, technically I have 3 tattoos but one was modified which is why I say only have 2) in the time frame I have been with my husband. And I want another one. Well, another 2 really. He doesn't know that part yet. He thinks I only want one more.

They say ink is addictive and I for one can attest to the accuracy of that statement. For me it represents my individuality, my independence, my uniqueness, and my defiance. In a weird sort of way, in my my mind, it symbolizes who I am, and not who I think I should be. For some people ink is nothing more than a decoration, or a mood at a particular moment. For others it's much deeper. And even though the tattoo itself may not be symbolic, the reasons behind it are; like in my case.

So I am curious - which of you have ink? Or are you of the mindset that it says something negative about the person who has it?

And if you do have a tattoo, does it mean something? Or was it an impulse?

What do you think?

PhotoHunters: Clouds

Baseball just ain't what it used to be....

Wanna know something? I love the Red Sox. I don’t follow them religiously by knowing each players individual history or their specific stats. Hell, I don’t even know all their names. But I do know arrogance. And right now arrogance is spelled R-A-M-I-R-E-Z.



Manny Ramirez thinks he put the Sox where they are today; that they are not good enough of a team for his greatness.

Read this article here

HELLO!!!! Is he the only player they have that’s any good? F**K NO! Although he thinks he is. And it’s that kind of arrogance that makes me look at him in a whole new light, and I for one am glad the Sox no longer have him on their team. A world series is not won by ONE person – it’s a joint effort of the TEAM. Apparently Manny doesn't understand that.

Now read this article here

So from this morning to this afternoon, we get to say "Good Riddance" to Mr. Ramirez. Am I the only one who wants to see the door hit him in the ass on the out??

Monday Madness

Madness?..... or genius.....
You decide.

This is my boxer again. His tongue seems to be too big for his mouth as he will regularly have his mouth closed and a part of his tongue hanging out. It dries up too, and will feel like sandpaper. I can grab it and he just gives me that big dumb lummox look that is so adorable. He really is a gentle giant.

Would you choose your family?

There is a saying that you can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives. Well, you can also choose whether or not to be friends with your relatives.

Being raised catholic, it was always instilled in me that you love your parents no matter what. You accept what they say, what they do, what they deem necessary, as law. It's much like how catholicism is taught. Do not question your lord; do not question your parents.

I lived like that for 30 years. It took me almost my whole life before realizing that I am the one who has the right to dictate what is acceptable to me; for me. Blood ties does not give a person a right to make a person doubt them self, or feel they are not worthy. A person may not get to chose their relatives, but they do get to choose having a relationship with those relatives, and they do get to chose their own beliefs.

So does this knowledge offer me peace? No. Does it help to erase the memories and emotions that go with those memories? No. But what it does offer is a type of closure, and that my friends, can sometimes be enough.




Washed Hands

Lollipop kisses (sticky sweet)
Impress their nectar upon your whiskered cheek:
Your hand absently wiped away their
adolescent aftertaste.

Despondent arms:
Outstretched for a reassuring (pretentious) hug
Grasp only the stale air of your indifference
Breathed upon my naively upturned face:
Smothered in incognizance.

Does it mystify?
That I have excommunicated myself from
Your well rehearsed pleasantries?
Your hypocritical attempts to condone
justification of Your displaced loyalty
simply compounds the situation.

Your bed is not mine to lie in -
Your rules no longer mine to follow.

Perhaps now you will be the one to recite fairy-tales
On feather-filled pillows, as silent tears cascade down
Self erected barricades, puddling by your cheek...

Pray you never hear the lone hoot owl
As he waits impatiently by your grave...

Photo Hunters: Hanging

Ok so this is Zeus - he is my hunk of boxer stud. His tongue is exceptionally long as these cameos illustrate. I can only recommend you keep a towel handy should he decide to lick you.....

Do you PhotoHunt??

The Hunger

Aching desire, physical need;
The animal in each of us longing to feed:
On the primal necessity of satisfying the thirst
For companionship, love, and the game
Unversed.

Reckless teasing, innocent play;
Awakens the instinct, though fight as you may:
It consumes to the core of your very existence
and confuses the mind with its incessant persistence.
Provoking, evoking, blind action undefined
and the hunger remains
and common sense resigns itself to the game.

There is no mystery;
There is nothing to hide.
The animal in each of us will not be denied:

...Surrender.

Why is Life so Cruel?

Does anyone else out there wonder why we get sick? And I'm not talking about the flu, or a stomach virus; I'm talking about aids, and cancer, and alzheimers. Is it life's way of getting even for something we've done? Punishment? Is there a God that really outlines our lives and we are just playing the part like puppets on a string?

Is it our destiny or fate? Luck of the draw? Why does bad things happen to good people??

My mother in law has cancer. Stage 3 - cancer in both lungs, the side of her throat, and her lymph glands.

Why?? Cancer does not run in her family. She does not abuse alcohol or drugs. Yes, she is a smoker but so is 1000's of other people who never get sick. She would give you the shirt off her back if you asked for it, a warm meal or a place to sleep.

Why her?

I guess this is just another one of those mysteries of life we can never explain. I suppose we should be thankful for what we HAVE versus what we don't have. Yeh - I'd be real thankful to have cancer.

Talk about twisted humor.

Naive Wisdom

Broken promises lie scattered at my feet

An aching fills my empty heart.

Hopes which once were firmly grasped,

Lies have ripped apart.

Unanswered questions invade my mind

Seeking answers never to find.

I close my eyes in anxious vain,

Never to trust again.

...Naivete begets wisdom.

Lions & Tigers & Zombies, oh my!

What if.....??

What if I told you there was no god? Would you believe me? Or would you think I was a heathen who was going to rot in hell for not having faith in the "written word"? The verbal word handed down, subject to interpretation and memory of the transcriber? Would you chastise me for doubting what I could not see or touch?

What if I told you Jesus had taken a wife, and fathered children? Would you call it blasphemy? Even though it has been written, as the bible has been written, and has many believers in it's validity?

If I said all this, would you stop reading this blog post, for fear of possible questions that could arise in the back of your minds..... fearing that should you question him, as we are taught not to do, you would be committing some unspeakable sin?

Now imagine this......

What if I told you zombies exist? Would you consider believing me? Or would you think I was some kook that needed their head examined because there is no way un-dead people are out there wandering around, eating other people and causing their victims un-dead transformation?

What about Haitian or African VooDoo? Middle Ages Folklore? Even Norse mythology had their share of reanimated corpses. Could there be any merit to the theory if so many believe it to be true? Granted these cases do not depict "zombies" as eating human flesh, but they all share the common thread of the dead coming back to "life."

We are taught faith is not based on the tangible, rather it is belief in the intangible. What do you base your faith on?

Flesh Eaters in America

Jeffrey Dahmer. Albert Fish. Two very sick individuals who liked to eat their prey. Cannibalism. More evidence that there are people who actually like the taste of human flesh.

"Food" for thought??

Zombies in America

While there is no concrete evidence to support the validity of the existence of zombies, there is quite an homage to their viability. Annual "zombie walks" held in various cities throughout the world; the "zombie squad" which boasts awareness for disaster preparedness and community service by holding rallys, fund raisers, and even blood drives (you can visit their cause here.)

So what does all this mean?

This page doesn't mean I believe zombies are real, but it also doesn't mean that I don't believe they could actually exist. If I am to believe in the impossible that religion has taught me and not question it's reality, then perhaps......

And why not be prepared for an apocalypse? Russians invaded us in Red Dawn; aliens invaded us in War of the Worlds; spiders invaded us in Eight Legged Freaks..... who am I to say it can't happen??

All I know is I'd rather be safe than sorry..... how 'bout you?

Zombie News Around the World

The Un-Dead Report

Zombie World News

Zombie Preparedness Initiative

Life & Death

Torn ~
Wanting to feed the life
Yet choking on its breath.
Numb ~
Emotion recognized yet denounced:
Feigning nonchalance.

Tears of denial fall
Yet are absently dismissed.
And still they burn in their
Path of descent
~ Scarring the soul.

And what consequence will be suffered?
~ Before forgiveness is granted (if at all…)

And will repercussions be faced?
(As penance for my sin...)

Or will the torment of the act
Sufficiently suffice:
Continuously reminded by the
Guilt that cannot rest,

Tucked loudly in the corners of my mind...

Solitaire

A tear ~ solitaire:
Faint whispers of loneliness
Echo as it falls.